J: She made me laugh in a way no woman had and I knew I was done. It was a weekend. Must have been a Saturday in the spring when I asked Serena to join me and my dog Huck on a hike up Runyon Canyon. We were friends at that point, having known each other for a couple years after passing each other in our various political circles. Serena always struck me as everything I wanted from a partner, but the timing was never right for a multitude of reasons. Our hike was the first time that the two of us, clean from break ups and distractions, shared time alone.
It was a normal hike on the way up. We talked, we walked, we chuckled and became friends. On the way down, it became real as I shared my outlook on life that centered on something completely silly. She found it hilarious and went a step further. I still remember laughing so hard that it shook me from the inside. We said goodbye but it would be less than a week until I knew I was going to marry this woman.
S: I remember the first time I met Jeremy. I had heard great things about him and that we would be fast friends from the person I was dating then. Jeremy walked by me and my head turned. He was wearing light brown corduroys and I remember thinking, "Wait, they make attractive, cool Jewish boys?" We spoke and laughed a great deal that night, but it wouldn't be three years until the hike that changed the way I thought about him.
On the hike, Jeremy shared that he realized that there were two kinds of people in the world, ones that wore clothing while hiking at Runyon and those that showed up pretty much naked. It was a metaphor for life. It had nothing to do with how fit a person was. It was a gall or maybe a cluelessness with which people interacted in their lives. I remember doubling over laughing walking down the windy, dirt path as we considered the notion. For the first time, I realized how at home I was with him and that he brought out the best version of me.
J: A couple weeks later, I met Serena at Home Restaurant. I asked if she wanted to meet up and she said, Yes, I do, and am coming from a swim in Verdugo Hills so let's meet up in your neighborhood. I had already eaten dinner, but we met up as she had a breakfast burrito and I an Irish coffee. Breakfast burritos and Home (and whiskey and coffee) would later be the roots of so much of us, though at the time it just seemed like a meal, some food and a regular meet up with a friend. We laughed. A lot. We talked about important things and silly matters. It worked really well.
It was late and a school night but I did not want to leave, but we did. As I walked Serena to her Volvo, we chatted and it was only awkward for a moment until I kissed her and the world melted away. I left that night knowing something special was happening but it would be another three dates until I knew just how special she and we would become.
S: For the next three or so weeks, Jeremy and I interacted everyday via text, gchat or phone. When Jeremy asked what I was doing the Wednesday that "we" began, I had a swim workout scheduled for my triathlon training in Verdugo Hills. I told him, I was coming from a workout and I'd probably be starving. I showed up in white linen pants and a red tee. My hair was in a wet ponytail and the only makeup I wore was lipgloss. For whatever reason, I felt no need for pretense. While I ate, Jeremy had a drink. The room adjacent to where we were was completely dark and Jeremy thought it would be fun to to explore it. We sat there talking and mostly laughing. I remember thinking to myself how much fun we had together doing nothing and how easy it was to just be us.
Eventually, it was time to go. Jeremy walked me out. Something made me think of the SATC episode where Charlotte gets kissed by this guy who licks her face. I asked him if he'd seen it, not knowing what he was planning to do next. We got to my car and talked for a bit longer. Finally, I said I was leaving and Jeremy went in for the kiss. I didn't not expect it, but I was still surprised. The kiss, like our time together over the last few weeks was easy, warm and exhilarating. I got into my car that night having no idea what would come in the days following, but feeling very grateful for the moment that was.
J: Days turned into weeks. Weeks melted into months and a year later, we were toasting to each other in a way that felt easy, loving and memorable. She came to my softball games, loved Huck and challenged me in all the right ways. I found a new thing to be enamored of each day, a new quirk of hers, a new comfort level we attained and two lives laced together like licorice.
On July 15, during a bachelor party for a good friend, the thought of proposing first popped into mind. It had become clear to me that Serena would be a permanent fixture in my life. Making it official, though, was a new wrinkle in my relationship mentality - something I had never considered before. I told the dudes I intended to marry her and let the thought sit within. Hours, days, weeks later, it felt right, but how would I actually engage and how do I get the ring she wants. How do people do these things?
The ring: Luckily, and not coincidentally (I suspected at the time and learned to be true later), Serena's good friend told me exactly what ring she desired. I trusted her completely and had the emerald diamonds sent to my office, where it would sit on ice while I devised the perfect plan. It sat there for two months.
The proposal: I work in City Hall, as Serena used to; we both know the building well and had celebrated July 4 on its highest floor in 2013 and NYE before that. It would have made sense to use it as an actor in the engagement play, but it was logistically challenging. Originally, I was to use the park across from City Hall to write, in lights, the question I intended to ask, while we dined on the highest floor, the site of our prior celebration. I made plans, talked to the guards and was set to seal our fate until work came up. I was asked to join my boss and others on a state delegation out of the country during the exact time of proposal plans. Now, two things were on ice.
When I came back, I arranged for something more intimate (but no less romantic). On Saturday, Oct. 15, we celebrated her step father's birthday. Two days before, I suggested we head to Hotel Erwin in Venice for a quick, in town getaway. She agreed and I got to work. The hotel agreed to send champagne to our room, but that wasn't enough. I called one of the most creative friends I know and asked him to help me decorate the room in love and proposal. It was Friday afternoon, and it was arranged. On Saturday night, we went to the party, bags (and ring) packed in the trunk.
S: This "us" that I was now a part of was the easiest thing I had ever done. Jeremy began using a phrase whenever we shared the same opinion or idea, "We're so alike." He says it a lot. It would be barfable except it's just not. What's interesting is that while we have similarities, we have plenty of differences. We see the world through complementary apertures. I want to see the world the way he does and vice versa. It was the realization of this truth that affirmed that he was my person.
It was July or August when I became aware that Jeremy was thinking the same thing. We were at a Dodger game (Go Blue!) and a couple got engaged. Jeremy jokingly said, "That's how I'm going to propose to you." While I knew he was not serious about the how, he had never mentioned this topic before. The next weekend, I called one of my best friends, and said, " In the event that you want to reach out to Jeremy and offer your help and advice to help him find a ring, that would be alright with me. I don't want to know anything that you guys talk about."
It was September that I knew we were close. Jeremy came home from work one day upset. "They want me to go to Armenia!", he said. I didn't understand why he wasn't ecstatic to go to a new country for 10 days that he, likely, would not get to visit otherwise. He told me that he had a "bunch of other things he had planned." I looked at the calendar and nothing was scheduled.
The week after Jeremy got back was a tough week work wise for both of us. He suggested that we get away somewhere. The next two weekends we had plans and I suggested a getaway in three or so weeks. Jeremy suggested a staycation in Venice. I agreed, but was curious about the urgency.
When we got to Hotel Erwin that Saturday night, I was hoping that something would happen and watched Jeremy intently for any signs. He gave away nothing. He was calm and joking per usual. We got to the room and he handed me the key. When I opened the door, I saw candles lit and rose petals on the coffee and kitchen table. I turned to him eyes lit up, smiling. Jeremy keeping his calm demeanor merely said, "Whoa, Venice is cool. Let's check out the rest of the room." I was thinking, "What the heck is going on? Is this real? Does Hotel Erwin just turn their rooms down really nicely?" When I got to the bedroom, the jig was up. There were even more candles and on the bed written out in rose petals it said, "Will you marry me?" I turned around and Jeremy was on one knee, holding a ring. My ring.
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